Totally Kosher Pumpkinbutt Day

The summer after I graduated from high school, I got dumped by a guy I really liked. He wasn’t especially nice to me but he was handsome, and at the time, I didn’t have great self-esteem so that was enough. He didn’t officially break up with me, just kind of stopped calling. I was heartbroken. I moped around, certain that at 18, I was doomed to a live of solitude and loneliness. Perhaps I should just convert to Catholicism and become a nun. Did I mention that I may have been a tad dramatic in my teen years?

Anyway, one day, a knock at the door turned out to be my two best friends Carla and Sheila, who are still dear friends to this day. They had come to kidnap me. Perhaps they knew I was wearing out my Nelson cassette tape (“I can’t live without your love and affection…”). They drove me to our favorite spot at the lake. They came bearing pizza and a giant cookie cake that said, “Totally Kosher Pumpkinbutt Day!” What is that you ask? Well, it’s a holiday that they made up-just for me.

Totally Kosher Pumpkinbutt Day (not actual cookie cake from 1990)

They wanted to get me out of the house and to show me that even though they understood my sadness, they needed me to know that someday, things were going to be totally kosher again, Pumpkinbutt!  Who gets their own holiday? Me, that’s who. Because I have the best friends ever.

I’ve been listening to the Jen Hatmaker podcast and the first series is all about girlfriends. One continuing theme is that friendships take some work, like all relationships. You must nurture them or you will drift apart. I have some friends that no matter how many years go by, when we see each other, it’s like no time has passed. Those friendships are so special to me.

Life certainly gets in the way sometimes but I do think it is important to invest in your friendships. Even a quick message or text just to let them know they’ve crossed your mind can mean a lot. I know it makes me smile when I get those messages. Some of you may disagree but I still think there’s nothing like a good phone call just to check in. You just have to answer the phone when I call. Ha! My sweet friend Casey goes really old school and sends handwritten notes occasionally to let friends know they’re on her mind. I must confess that a note makes me feel really special and I’ve stolen her idea a few times. But, best of all is when I go through my calendar and schedule a bunch of lunches and dinners with my friends. There’s nothing like one-on-one time to catch up and really spend a special hour or two just finding out what’s going on in each other’s lives.

So, how do you nurture your friendships? What have your friends done for you that made a difference in your life? I’d love to hear from you!

Happy trails,

Advertisements
Posted in friends, Happiness, Oklahoma | Leave a comment

#100HappyDays Challenge Complete

For the past 100 days, I have posted a photo of something every day that makes me happy. Believe me when I say that parts of the past 100 days have been quite tumultuous. They haven’t all been 100% happy days. But, I learned something a while ago. Life is what you make it. If you wake up every day, moan about the alarm going off, kick the cat on the way to brush your teeth, tell yourself that you hate mornings, yell at people during your morning commute, and dread beginning your work day, you are probably not going to have a very good day. But if you wake up and realize that every day is a gift, a clean slate, and a new opportunity, you will most likely have a better day.

good-day

Happiness doesn’t just happen to lucky people. Happy people have sad parts of their lives, too. Happiness is a choice. When you decide that you are going to be happy, it isn’t a magical shield that keeps out all of the bad things in the world. Bad things are still going to happen but the way you deal with them will change. Instead of an unlucky person constantly searching for elusive happiness, you can become a happy person who sometimes has some unfortunate things happen to them. You get to decide which kind of person you are. Try to start each day thinking, “This is going to be a great day!” Even if it turns out not to be an awesome one, look for the happy moments. That’s what the #100happydays challenge is about.

71% of all people who try it quit the challenge because they say they don’t have time. Who doesn’t have a moment each day to focus on being happy? I believe the world could use a LOT more of us focusing on the happy moments. This is my second time to complete the challenge. But I’m not going to stop looking for the good in every day or to stop believing that every day can be a happy one. What’s good in your life?

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in family, friends, Happiness, Oklahoma, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The Day I Ran Into My Friend’s Abuser

The day I ran into my dear friend’s abuser, I had just finished a lovely dinner with my family in celebration on my son’s birthday. We were walking out and he was walking into the restaurant. I stood, frozen, unable to speak for what seemed like an eternity.

I had imagined this moment many times before. This town isn’t that big. I knew he was out of jail because he had only served less than a year of his 10 year sentence. He served less than a year for lacerating a liver, breaking three ribs, collapsing the lung, and the kidnapping of someone that I love. I wonder if his crime had been drug related, would he have served more time?

In my visions of our meeting, I imagined that I would say something sarcastic like, “Beat any women lately?” I just knew that I would confront him. A throat punch would be a nice touch. I had been friendly to him before I knew there was a monster lurking inside. If I ran into him, I would want to make it clear that that I know who he really is.

Photo courtesy of Real World Survivor

Photo courtesy of Real World Survivor

But, instead, I stood paralyzed. Oh my GOD! Is that? It is. I know it’s him. I whispered his name to my husband. My in-laws and son wanted to know what was going on so I filled them in. My sweet yet feisty mother in law said, “That’s no man.”

I just stared as he walked toward the table of friends, his arm leading the pretty unsuspecting blonde. Does she know what he’s capable of? Is this their first date? Has he hit her yet? Should I have said something to her? What if she already knows and believes his lies?

I stood by the door and stared at the back of his head. I felt sick. I prayed for her safety.

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in abuse, Domestic violence, Love, Uncategorized, Women | Leave a comment

That Ain’t Right, Y’All

I was clearing off my coffee table last night when I came upon a memorial service program for my friend’s husband’s service that I attended this past weekend. He was 35 and died suddenly and unexpectedly. His handsome, smiling face with his arm wrapped around his family beamed back at me from the program.  He had already earned his PhD and was always learning and teaching.

I walked over to another stack of papers on the bar in our living room and right on top was a program from a memorial concert that I attended for our friend Danny two weeks ago. He died suddenly in April. He was 47. He could sing Billy Joel better than Billy himself.

Just two months before that, one of my sorority sisters suffered the devastating, sudden loss of her husband. He was 48. Every time I saw them together, they looked like newlyweds.

Last fall, another close friend was killed in a plane crash, leaving behind his amazing wife and three great kids. He was 43. He was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met and made the best bbq sliders on the planet.

All I could think as I picked up the programs and reflected on the gaping holes these four men have left in the lives of those who loved them is, “That ain’t right, y’all.”

Photo credit-Elephant Journal

Photo credit-Elephant Journal

Losing someone you love is never easy. When they’re sick, you may have time to prepare but the effects are still devastating. When they’re older, you may be able to console yourself with the fact that they lived a great, long life. No matter the manner of death, you may always wish you had just a few more minutes. But when their lives are suddenly cut short, how do you make sense of that?

I don’t think you can make sense of it. Even though it is hard to accept, death is a part of life. Eventually it will come for us all. The best we can hope for is to have as much time as possible with those we love. But even more than that, the quantity of our years is less important than the quality of them. If we are very lucky, we get a happy long life.

A pastor at one of the services I attended had the best advice: If God is good (and He is) then live, love, learn, and let it go. Whatever is weighing you down, or holding you back, you’ve got to let it go. Life has so much more to offer. Don’t waste it.

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in death, life carpe diem, Oklahoma | 1 Comment

Garbage In, Garbage Out: Staying Positive in a Negative World

You probably already know that if you eat processed and/or fast food every meal, unless you have the metabolism of a 15-year-old boy, it will eventually catch up with you. But, seriously, can I get some of that metabolism? Most of us can’t eat complete junk on a regular basis without gaining weight, becoming sluggish, and almost quite literally feeling our arteries clogging. So, we watch what we eat with perhaps a cheat meal here and there because we know that it matters what we put in our bodies.

But what about other items you consume? Do you give them the same consideration? Do you ever stop to think about the things you’re watching, listening to, or reading and wonder, “Is this good for me?”

That may be a tough balancing act in this election year. We want information but as national news media outlets crave sensational headlines, the antics that pass as news often seems to resemble more of a schoolyard brawl rather than civilized interactions by adults.

I find myself enduring as much as I can stand, just to stay informed, and then turning it off. I have my limits before I have to unplug and retreat to my happy place of music and uplifting books. I’ve really been trying to measure everything I do lately by asking myself, “Is this making me happy? Is this making me a better person?” If the answer is no, it is time for a change.

Mind

The world definitely has a lot of issues. If you’re looking for the ugly side, you can most certainly find it. But I also realize that there are those in the business to blow those problems out of proportion in order to keep people panicked and tuned in. An old media phrase says, “If it bleeds, it leads” and in this 24-hour news cycle, that has never been more true.

If you find yourself feeling depressed, hopeless, powerless, angry, or helpless, maybe a helpful exercise would be to examine the kind of media and the amount of news you’re consuming. Look for a healthier option once in a while. There’s a lot of good in the world. When hopelessness sets in, it helps to turn off the noise and just connect with people who care about you, whether that’s your family, friends, church, or community.  Staying informed is responsible. Allowing it to negatively impact your life is a clear signal that it’s time to consume more of the healthy stuff and step away from the junk.

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in Happiness, Self-esteem, Women | 2 Comments

Being Selfless in a Selfie Society

Recently, I attended the funeral of a friend. He and his wife Cathy had the kind of love story that we all strive for. They had been married for 40 years. During his eulogy, it was said that he woke up every day and asked himself, “How can I make Cathy happy today?” He obviously was a very smart man. He knew the secret to a happy marriage.

I remember way back in middle school (we called it junior high back then) we had required reading lists for English. One of the stories that really stayed with me was “The Gift of the Magi” by O. Henry. If you haven’t read it, you really should. The short version of the short story is this: A young married couple doesn’t have much money but they want to give each other a gift. The only thing of value that she has is her beautiful, flowing hair. The only thing worth anything that he has is a pocket watch. But, they love each other and want to show it. Unbeknownst to each other, she sells her hair to buy him a chain for his watch. He sells his watch to buy her combs for her hair. In the end, they have two useless gifts but they realize that their love for each other is the most precious gift of all. They are willing to give up their most prized possession to show their love for one another. It should be no surprise that my favorite Christmas movie is a variation of this story, “Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas.”

I love you!

I love you!

In our selfie-obsessed society, it’s often hard to see past our own needs. But if both partners are asking, “What can I do today to make my spouse happy?” I think many more marriages just might survive. If both partners are constantly giving to the other, instead of just worrying about their own needs maybe more people would feel cherished instead of slighted, and feel safe instead of defensive. How can you make your partner happy today?

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in death, friends, Love, Marriage, Oklahoma, Women | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Life Doesn’t Come with Rollover Minutes

Recently, my husband Justin and I lost our close friend, Travis unexpectedly in a plane crash. He was only 43. When tragedy strikes close to home, it’s natural to go through a variety of emotions. Of course, the first one was shock. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he is really gone and that we won’t see his smile or laugh with him again. Somewhere in the flood of emotions came extreme sadness- both for us and for his sweet wife and for his children.

In my soul searching, I started thinking about what’s really important to me- like my family and friends. I guess a lot of people do that in times like this. My own incredible husband and children would be at the top of the list. I know a lot of people have the realization that “life is too short” when they lose a loved one. I’m no different.

But I’ve had a few other realizations lately, too.  In addition to really examining what matters to me, I have a very clear picture of what doesn’t matter to me. I see, crystal clear, what I don’t want to waste one minute of my life on. Things like arguing about politics, drama about petty things, fighting, negativity, hate, and being concerned with people who don’t have my best interests in mind have no place in my life. I won’t give them a second thought.

Invest

Where you invest your love, you invest your life

There are 525,960 minutes in a year. I don’t know how many of them I have left. But I do know this. I want to spend them with people who want to be with me. I want to spend them laughing. I want to travel to as many places across this amazing world, taste as many cuisines, and meet as many people as I possibly can. I want to love and be loved. I want to grow closer to God. I want to find true peace within myself. I want to continue to learn, share, grow, help others, become a better person, and so much more! I have a finite number of minutes left. Why would I exchange one minute of this precious life for anything negative? I won’t. Life doesn’t come with rollover minutes and from now on I will carefully measure how I spend each one.

Happy trails,

Signature

Posted in death, life carpe diem | Tagged , , | 3 Comments